got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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