i think i have herpe
just one?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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