That's intense
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
