Can i not drive my cunt home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
