Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
only you would photoshop your dick
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
