Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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