I think i peed on brittanys purse
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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