I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
