Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
