did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
