I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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