I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
