Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
