Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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