So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
