First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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