My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
soo... how was my night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
