yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
