Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
