he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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