After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
