I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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