I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
