just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
