I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
