i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
