I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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