It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
