Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is wine microwaveable?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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