So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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