I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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