Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
