i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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