Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
