Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
