I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
