I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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