no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.