It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
