I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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