I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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