i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
