Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
