Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
