You're so nebulous sometimes
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
