Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
