What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sext me about skeletons
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
