I hate all girls vehemently.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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