he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
