he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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