her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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