i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
