I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
