Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dating After Heartbreak
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
third nipple confirmed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table