last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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