The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.