Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
