a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.