Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my penis made a compromise with my morals
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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