I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
