you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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