My nipple is on Facebook.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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