We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
