Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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