I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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