Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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