yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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