the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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