Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
