Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
