I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
