If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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