Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
