Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
