Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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