Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
