Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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