Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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